10 Pounds, 1 Hour

An easy to follow step-by-step 'How To' tutorial for one of the most important skills necessary in life!  In less than one hour, you too can lose 10 pounds in one hour!

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Step 1:  Despite the advice you receive from your fellowship interviewer ["If you get this fellowship, I'd highly recommend traveling like they did in the old days...  Without a cell phone, laptop, iPod, etc."], pack the laptop, charger, videocamera, and even laptop desk lock you think is required to travel.

Step 2:  Also pack considerably useful gifts that friends have donated to you in the greater purpose of traveling.


Step 3:  Travel.  For a considerably long period of time.  To places you've never been, have always wanted to see, and will regret if you don't do before you die.  Because, hey, you have only one life.


Step 4:  Use said laptop and accessories frequently.  Almost unhealthily, sometimes to the point where you think it might actually be detrimental to your experience abroad.


Step 5:  Three-quarters of the way through your year, use your laptop to desperately try to watch 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' on YouTube, realize it's only an edited copy [for some reason with all of the gargoyle dialogue cut out], and allow the computer to automatically shut down.


Step 6:  After several attempts to shut off and on the laptop [about a week's worth of attempts, just to make sure], begin to slap and punch it.  You know, just to make sure something that's moving inside shouldn't be.  Logic.


Step 7:  Take laptop to a modern nomad you dance with at milongas, drink several bottles of Argentine wine with him and his computer nerd roommates, eat plenty of olives, cheese, and dulce de membrillo, and share life secrets.  Maybe even learn to blow smoke rings using the modern nomad's smokeless pipe.  At the end of it all, realize you still have yet to identify the problem with your laptop, and actually begin to do it at six o' clock the following morning.


Step 8:  Learn that all of the information on your laptop might be gone.


Step 9:  Upon high recommendation by your host, take the laptop three blocks away to a computer technician who's supposedly fabuloso.


Step 10:  Realize he is.  Not only does he identify the problem with the laptop and transfers the most important documents from your harddrive onto a thumb drive, he does it for free.  Feeling bad, donate your laptop and charger to him and buy another memory card for your camera [chances of uploading photos in the last few months are now slim] and a pair of headphones to replace the broken one for your iPod [why did everything technical I own broke down in the same 24 hour span?].  At this point, he may offer to sell everything to you half off.  Agree, and realize you just fixed most of your problems for about $22 USD.


Step 11:  While on this purge, give to your host the videocamera and laptop lock.  You won't need it now. 


Step 12:  Ask dear friends who have donated things to you for traveling where you should send their things.  Let them tell you it's okay to just give it all away.


Step 13:  Donate said belongings to your host, who knows companies that will certainly give these belongings to the people who need them.


Step 14:  Continue traveling, this time physically and emotionally lighter.

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These fourteen easy-to-follow steps are now in your hands!  Good luck, future weight-watcher!  Lose that weight; no traveling life is worth living if you haven't done so.  Why carry broken things when you can leave them behind?  Mmm, symbolism!

I myself have tried it only once, but I can attest to the effectiveness of this program!  If I've learned anything from this How-To, it's this: losing weight in a healthy and safe manner can make you incredibly happy.  Incredibly.

Note:  Actual weight loss may vary.  I've lost about 10 pounds, but there's so much more weight I can lose before heading off to the City of Lights!

Note:  How do you continue to communicate with friends and family and update your blog regularly while traveling?  You don't.

Note:  However, you might occasionally run into a roommate, host, stranger, or internet cafe where they'll let you use one for a while.  Maybe.

[Tim O'Brien]

Reckless, Restless

This was a well known fact:

He did not take risks.

Contrary to the rather portentously precarious year he had decided to embark on, the Boy considered himself a particularly conservative [...] person when it came to gambling.  When Lady Luck would make a pass at him while wearing considerably provocative dress, he would return to whatever nonsensical task he was tending to, most likely reading novels or peeling fruit or worrying about the future.

He needed information: price, price per unit, advantages, disadvantages, emotional stability, long-term benefits, short-term benefits, relationship status, color options, mortality rate, coolness factor, and the amount of time he spent weighing all these factors into making a decision.

Buy the Cheerios or the generic Honey Os?

Buy this awesome smoking jacket from Salvation Army?

Ride the Giant Drop, or just watch from the funnel cake stand?

The blue or the yellow shorts?

Box 1, 2, or 3?

Watch The Ring or Saw?

Keep talking with the roomies at dinner or go back and read articles?

Date you?

Every choice was calculated, planned, and executed, all results lying somewhere on the "mediocre" to "incredibly painful" to "blindingly awesome" spectrum.  Unfortunately, with the gathering of information came extremely long periods of decision-making, and restless frustration with both himself and the world for making things complicated.

With his time in Uganda swiftly coming to a close - two weeks left? - the Boy encountered a new decision: Where to next?

The dancers from Country X had never responded to his emails.  A relatively rude woman from Country Y had accused him of 'failing to answer our questions pertaining to [his] stay with our company' [not true], claimed that he 'barraged [her] staff with emails' [also not true], and promised that upon his response, 'we will further discuss your interaction with the company' [ESPECIALLY NOT TRUE].  The artistic director of Country Z - the Boy had so desperately wanted to go here sometime in his life - had offered him a place to stay for a reasonable price.

As a German woman [a neighbor at the CTC] once told the Boy:  "Isn't the choice obvious?  There are signs pointing you in the direction you should take.  What's convincing you otherwise?"

Money, simply.  Travel to [and, probably, stay in] Country X and Y was painfully cheaper than Country Z.  Considering the European countries he would travel to afterwards, it would be wise and safe to save money now.

"I don't know," the German woman said, "If money is the only reason that's keeping you from going...  I'd say that's a pretty sad reason."

The Boy made his choice [no, not out of peer pressure].  This year was about change, about stretch, about doing things he had never done before.  So what if he was reckless this early in the game?  There'd be plenty of time to fix that later.

But for now, he was fine being so Restlessly Reckless.

[Bold]

Just In Case

Mama Beatrice and Bridget have been ever so gracious to keep teaching me Acholi; as a matter of fact, they've even written down some phrases outside of our 'classes' [almost every morning, I go to Beatrice's shop near the CTC to drink her sodas, play with her daughter, and attempt to converse in Acholi, and most afternoons after break dance, I walk part of the way home with Bridget].  Here are a few they thought were important for me to know.

As per usual, I've taken the liberty of writing it phonetically.

ee ah-choh-lee mon pee-khee yeh nee-gooh beh-ree kom.
In Acholi, women are not allowed to sit in chairs.

ah-mee-roh deh khaow
I am looking for a woman [to marry].

ahn at-yieh oh-teh-ka
I am a hero.

chwee-nyah och-wher pee lohk mah eeh wah-koh nee
I was pissed at what you said.

wehk gooh-leh-ghee
Let them beg.

yeh-yah tyieh kah lee-veen-ee
The boat is sinking.

looh-tee-noh mah-ro moo-nee
Children love whites.


[White Unmarried Hero]

Single?

In a recent Ugandan newspaper [the Daily Monitor], an article entitled, "The Reasons You May Be Living a Single Life" was published.  In celebration of no particular reasons, I now share with you snippets of this article that apparently tell me a lot about myself.

-| Singlehood. |-

What are the errors that keep single people from attaining the relationships they feel they should have?

"Singlehood can be a pretty turbulent time for many individuals as they wonder why they are not hitched like everyone around them seems to be.  They run around groping in the dark trying to find the perfect mate and live happily ever after.  Many women prance around the idea of the Knight in Shining Armour riding on a horse and sweeping them off their feet to a magnificent castle..."

"In this search for love, many single people make mistakes along the way some of which can be have dire consequences.  Let's explore some of this issues and the effect they can have on your search for love."

"Expecting your partner to change. ... People are set in their ways of doing things and some of these behaviours form their personality making it almost impossible for them to change.  It therefore is important to ask yourself what aspects of your potential mate you are not willing to live with and which ones you cannot."

"Peer influence.  ... realising that most of their friends have gotten married, some women embark on a mission to find a partner with whom they too can start a family.  In this quest for love, they stoop too low and will compromise on some of the important factors necessary to  make a worthy partner.  They could neglect important aspects such as religion or trust and end up dating or possibly marrying someone only to realize later on they made a terrible mistake."

"Engaging in sex too early.  It is not advisable to get physical with a person you have just started dating...  Some people will simply take advantage of you and walk away after sleeping with you...  a couple that gets intimate too soon are more likely not to take the relationship seriously since they have already consummated their love.  Their relationship may end up becoming simply for sexual convenience...  by withholding from engaging in sex, you sieve out the genuine potential mate from the countless others who may simply be only interested in sex."

"Being too choosy.  ...Some people have very long lists of qualities that their dream mate should have and end up waiting in vain for someone who has all those qualities...  be liberal and understand that there is no person who is perfect so it's unwise to hold dearly onto such lists.  'If you are looking for 10 qualities and your potential suitor has six or seven then you could give them a chance.'...  You should try to get to know them and see what they have to offer.  You might be surprised to discover that they would make a good match for you.  Otherwise you may end up single for life if you religiously wait for someone who has all the endless qualities you so desire."

'Singlehood is a natural aspect of life and should be taken in that respect.  You should take your time as you search for a mate and not be pressured by unrealistic attitudes and beliefs."

-| Qualities to Look for in a Partner |-

"God fearing.  Spirituality is very important in any relationship because it can be the last point of reference when everything else in the relationship has failed."

"Trustworthiness.  A person that you can trust will keep you sane since you will not have be worried about what they are doing when you are not around.  Trust is crucial for any relationship."

"Financial prospects.  Money is key for any relationship since it determines the level of comfort that the couple will enjoy.  Ability and desire to work is much more important than tangible cash in hand."

"Chemistry.  Being attracted to you mate draws you close to them and is mainly the first thing that draws a couple together.  It is much easier to love someone you are attracted to than someone you're not."

-| Apologise to your woman |-

" 'I am sorry, I will make it up to you' translates into 'I cherish you.I don't want to do anything that makes you unhappy' It also says ' I am sorry I wasn't sensitive, I will make it up to you by being more sensitive . in the future'. Do you know how poweful the words 'I am sorry' are? They can melt the wall around a woman's hear, they can build back trust that was lost."

-| My Final Thought |-

Let's be honest: there are many.

Instead, try counting the grammatical errors - nothing was changed from the actual article.

[Single & Questionably Ready to Mingle]

Riddle of Mal

"What are you taking out of this world?" Bala asked.

The Boy scooped another spoonful of vada and samba into his mouth, pondered the question, and decided not to answer.  The two had spent the last hour talking about Tomas, choosing dance over some other profession, and religion versus spirituality.  He, Bala, a thirty-something year old man and fellow kalaripayattu student, sat across from the Boy and twiddled his half-empty teacup.

"What were you born with?  Riches?  A silver spoon?  Your parents?  Your siblings?  Nothing, really.  Nothing you can keep forever.  And that's what you leave with."

The Boy considered this and pointed out the grim nature of Bala's self-answered question.

"That's what life is all about, man.  We worry too much about how much money we make and what we can afford and what other people do or don't have.  Money comes and goes.  In the end, you can't ever really say you owned something, because really, you never did."  A pause to drain his teacup.  "Life's too short to worry about things that won't stay yours forever.  But your experiences?  Your memories?  They can't be taken away."

This much made sense.

"Do something with your life.  Have experiences.  Learn about the world.  You?  You're doing that already, you're on the right path."

The Boy swallowed some coffee.

"I believe that life is like a train ride you've already embarked upon, and you don't know most of the details.  Someone bought you a ticket, and that destination is coming.  Sure, you can run around the train, worry about the destination and when it will arrive.  But running around won't make that destination come any sooner or later.  Or, you can walk around the train, look out the window, talk to other people, and learn from them.  Share your stories, listen to theirs, and continue.  Make the ride worth it."


[Jagno]

You Raksha My World

There are few times in one's life when someone so ground-shakingly inspiring comes along and whisks you away on her electric scooter through the streets of Jayanagar, Bangalore.  This someone, when you meet her, may arrive at the most inconvenient time, say two weeks before you [think you will] leave for another state, and promise classes in traditional dance choreographed for each god in the Hindu religion.  Sometimes, she may arrive at the most opportune moment, two weeks after you discover the reason you came to India [Sunadha] will not dance on the same continent for the next two months.

Today, our young hero meets this woman, Raksha [ meaning "protector" - ah, the symbolism ] at the most opportunely inconvenient time during his journey.

Raksha carries two business cards: one in plain white, displaying her contact information as a "Dental Surgeon" and the second in black and sepia pictures, displaying a woman elegantly dressed in traditional Bharata Natyam clothing, posed in a series of candid performance shots.  This second card bears the title "Artist & Consultant Dental Surgeon."

She NEVER had to make a choice between performing and becoming a doctor.

"As with most Indian parents, mine wanted me to become a doctor.  So I did.  But unlike most Indian parents, mine wanted me to keep my passions alive.  They wanted me to stay in touch with art; art shows how we live, how we feel, how we think, and everything that cannot really be accomplished by our jobs."

Her mom also sits in the living room, and hands our hero a cup of coffee.  "I wanted my daughter to be able to do everything."

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Raksha has finished discussing the practice plans for the week with a group of women in their home.  Our hero sits next to her, drinking guava juice and smiling politely, debating about whether or not he should try speaking in Kannada.  Instead, he asks about who she usually teaches.

"I teach anyone who wants me to.  These women, who are almost fifty, have never danced before.  But they want to show some people who are coming from New Zealand at an upcoming festival, so I'll try to teach them something before that.  And there's this dance with sticks, janapada, that I was afraid to teach children because there's a lot of smacking - you're always worried they'll hit each other instead of sticks.  And with the handicapped students at Samarthanam?  They learn by feeling and touching.  You're always surprised at what people are capable of doing."

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The couple are hurtling through JP Nagar on Raksha's scooter when a parade of drums, men covered in colored powder, and women smacking sticks together comes into view.  They slow down, and our hero relaxes his grip on Raksha's waist.

"You should meet my husband - he's a technology communications consultant, but he's also very much involved with community service.  In his free time, he organizes fund raisers here and there for non-profits, mostly ones for blood donations.  Actually, right now he's in New Orleans giving a talk to young adults about working for NGOs, because so many young people these days just don't think about giving back to the community as an occupation."

The parade clears, and Raksha speeds off.  Our hero is momentarily caught off guard and imagines what it would be like to fall off the back end and into traffic.  Raksha doesn't miss a beat.

"You can hold on to me now."

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Just before dropping him off at the bus stop, Raksha asks our hero why he studied neuroscience AND dance at his school.  He explains how at first, his parents didn't really approve of the dancing thing; being a doctor brought in money, and with money came comfort and luxury they never had.  Which explains the neuroscience.  But with dancing, he continues, he knew what it meant to really be passionate about something.  You know, to lose yourself for a little bit while doing something that makes that fire burn.  If that makes any sense, of course.  Raksha removes the helmet and raises an eyebrow.

"Like I told you, when I was young, my parents wanted me to become a doctor.  And I did want to become a doctor.  But I was also lucky; I had parents who wanted me to pursue my passion.  My dad worked for Pfizer, so he knew what it was like to work from day to day and put bread on the table.  But he always said that if we didn't stay in touch with our passion, if we didn't do what we loved... Well, we'd become stagnant."

It is at that moment [of several] our hero realizes where this electric scooter, this woman, and this year will take him: very, very far from having to make a choice between profession and passion.


[Joshy]

Safety Dance!

Good news, friends!  My laptop's battery just died from its four-year life span!  A fresh, somewhat-generic-bootleg battery is now feeding my laptop as I type.

Additionally, I've FINALLY received confirmation from the company in India about my stay.  They've given me the okay, and have started looking for my accommodations.  Wait, what did you say, Mahantesh?

"We'll start looking for a room for you to stay in, with your own bed, possibly within the company's facilities.  We have a campus, did you know that?  Maybe we can find you a private shower, bedroom, and sink.  You know, just so you're as comfortable as possible while you stay with us."

I wonder how long I can cross my fingers before paralysis or arthitis settles in.

On to other things!  As of recently, some dear friends of mine - and parents, as well - have expressed concerns on the actual safety portion of my trip.  For instance, apparently it is a REALLY BAD IDEA to wear a safety pouch, regardless of its flesh-tone polyester/silk fabric and waist-hugging fit..  Growing curious about such guidelines and their accuracy, I've decided to reference The Rough Guide to First Time Travel Around The World.  Below are the most interesting ones, and my thoughts on them:

HOW TO AVOID BEING ROBBED:


[]  "With just a backpack and no carry-on bag, you have both your hand free and can remain mobile for a quick getaway or to give pursuit, so robbing you looks like more of a challenge."

[]  "... consider disguising your pack in developing countries... Plastic rice bags are easy to find, dirt cheap, decrease the perceived value of the pack's contents, and make great rain covers... cut two slits for your shoulder straps, then sew or use duct tape to fasten."

AVOIDING DANGEROUS AREAS:


[]  "No matter where you are, get in the habit of checking over your shoulder and across the street every now and then."

[]  "Otherwise, walk with confidence.  When you're in an area you're not sure of, resist the temptation to pull out your map on the street corner.  Walk purposefully, even if lost, and duck inside a coffee shop or store to study the map or ask directions."

[]  "Also, get in the habit of avoiding the tables near doors or bordering sidewalks in cafes...  Keep your bag under your table while you eat, with the strap around your leg.  If you need to use the toilet, take your bag along."

[]  "Take a few extra precautions in trains and bus terminals, where many pickpockets lurk...  walk around the perimeter of the station instead of crossing it to so you can keep a wall on one side and your eyes on anyone approaching."

ACCOMMODATION SAFETY:


[]  "... treat your passport pouch like your spleen: sleep with it (or put it in your pillow case) and take it along when you shower - you can hang the pouch on the hook, just under your towel inside the shower stall."

HOW TO AVOID SEXUAL HARASSMENT:


[]  "Dress conservatively... Shorts, short skirts and tight-fitting clothes are likely to denote you as promiscuous.  While you're at it, pick up a cheap, simple ring.  You'll need a story to go with it - something about your husband coming to meet you in a day or two."

-  The Rough Guide to First Time Around the World

In a nutshell:  I'm going to have to run like hell with my backpack hidden in a rice bag while sporadically checking over my shoulder and across the street confidently against a train station wall.  My passport, as an internal organ, can filter red blood cells but also must hang on the wall while I shower, along with my clothes designed by Laura Ingalls Wilder while I wait for my husband to return to me.

OR:  Handle things the way my mom says to: "Neber, eber, EBER trust anyone.  Not da neighborrs, not da kids, not da workers.  NO ONE.  Oh, and put on your Pacebook eberyday 'Mom, I'm okay.'  Okay?"

Great.

[Jmags]